I totally do not understand you. Even more than everybody here does not understand me!

From my vantage point, let me say, you cant avoid pain. The old saying, god never gives us more than we can handle. Or the serenity prayer. And you dont want to hit bottom, if you can help it. It takes too long to crawl back up and out. Altho - if thats your path, then hey, thats your path, right? I think thats why i never had an idea of what my 50's were gonna be like. They were my lost decade.