For me, it didn't feel like I was trying to get love. I was angry that I couldn't control him and I felt like a failure for failing my children. I was trying to prove to myself that I was "brave" and strongwilled not a sissy weakling. I am more afraid of divorcing him than

But this is not all Hs fault. I have trouble handling confrontations with people in general. I know this is true when I think back on the way I handled (felt about) discipline when I was teaching and how upsettting it was sometimes to deal with disgruntled callers when I worked in a call center. I am a big sissy and have trouble consistently turning that around.....