Well, unaluna, it's more like I didn't marry him. I'm not obligated. No one would fault me, if I stepped back from what I'm doing.

Crypts, I don't have to even be responsible for putting him in a home. I could just tell his family I feel I can't keep this up, and they would have the responsibility to arrange what happens next, which would be him going to a home.

It's me who doesn't want to not have him out here in the community. It's me who wants to hold onto him being in his apartment, where I can be with him. It's just that I vacilate. Sometimes I want to give up.

A lot of my problem in life is that, often, I can't make up my mind what I want. Today was a particularly trying day. He was fine, but I was not. His Medicaid benefit got cut off because I failed to send in an "interim report." I can fix that, but that involves a bunch of paperwork. So I'm doing that paperwork.

I'm having an awful time sleeping at night due to my own chronic sleep disorder, which has been getting worse and worse, since 2009. I wake up every couple of hours and find it difficult to get back to sleep.

Another problem is that it get's lonely being with someone who has dementia. I also miss how we used to do things for each other. He used to love to cook for me. Now I never can be the one who gets taken care of . . . because he can't.

Sometimes I think about getting a dog for myself. But that would be more work.

I'm at the stage of life where I notice that I'm not as strong and energetic as I used to be. I'm sleepy now, and there's a kitchen full of dirty pans and dishes.