Quote:
Originally Posted by SoupDragon
Thanks Trace. That sounds really hard to do, I think you are very brave. Was it worth it for you? Are you glad that you did it?
I can see it as an accomplishment, being able to talk about something so difficult, but did it make a positive difference to you.
I hate heights and a couple of years ago, I did a high rope tree climb thing with my kids. There was one part where you had to step across a largish gap, with nothing underneath you. I was terrified and froze and really thought they would have to rescue me. Eventually I was able to do it. That was a huge accomplishment for me, but I would never do it again and don't think I gained anything from it, other than confirming my fear of heights.
So I get that it is a really brave thing to do, in talking about things, but what if it doesn't help?
Maybe there isn't an answer to that, I suppose I am just scared of making things worse for myself and rather than just feeling shame myself about those things, will also feel shame that there is now someone else that knows.
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In the moment of it I hated it and hated her. I wanted to quit. But she explained that quitting was another one of my avoidance actions, which made me mad too
Mad enough to prove I could do it, maybe that was her plan and it worked. I kept on with it, and it was hard through the last day. But.....it got easier to think about the trauma and talk about afterwards. The memory was still there, and it was still upsetting but not like it was before. So I took that as a positive thing, the baby steps plan. We can't expect to have the memories erased or not feel emotions/pain about the trauma in just 12 weeks, that's just not realistic. But if we can make the slightest positive movement towards that goal, it will all be worth it. It's just going to take time and commitment. You need to look at your fear and ask if it's a fear based on facts, or a fear based on beliefs. If what you are afraid of is a possibility or a thing that will happen. If your fear is that it will make things worse, ....it might, but not permanently. You have to work through trauma, not around it. And that's hard. Yes you may feel worse and that's when you talk to the T and have your support system around you. Would I do it again? Yes. We worked on one trauma mostly and I would like to do it again to work on others.
PE therapy is used for phobias too. Your T must think you are ready for this and will be there to help guide you through it. Don't let yourself quit, show your strength to want to get better and show that memory you will control it and not the other way around.
