I'm in my 30s and still a virgin.

Since adolescence I've felt extremely uncomfortable in my skin; with my developing body and the attention that it received. Not just from boys my own age; from grown men too. I know that all girls get attention from males, both wanted and unwanted, and they can usually deal with the repercussions of the latter, but I never could. Any kind of comment about my body, even if it wasn't rude or overly sexual, would upset me and I'd feel as though I wasn't in control. I always dressed modestly and I thought that would be enough to repell men, but it didn't, so I started to comfort eat. Eventually I started to gain a little weight, and that, coupled with my dowdy dress sense, made me less visible to men.

Sex wasn't really discussed at home and although I wasn't told that sex was wrong, it wasn't seen as positive either. My father could be violent and was emotionally abusive, so my mother divorced him when I was 12. I did see my father quite regularly after their split but we were never close and I hardly see him now. My mother never dated, and instead, worked hard to make sure that I was happy and safe from harm. My family is very small and female dominated and because there were no men in my life apart from my father, I didn't have any positive male role models.

I believe that my negative experiences with my father warped my perception of men and prevented me from getting close to them. Logically, I've always known that not all men are like him but I have no other frame of reference. I'm not sure why my sexual development has been so adversely affected by my my relationship with my father, because there was no sexual abuse.

Now that I'm older, I really worry about ending up a lonely old spinster nobody wants, even though I've lost the weight I gained and am making more of an effort to keep fit and healthy. I have other problems too which I discussed in another post, so it's not just my lack of sexual experience that I have problems with. The therapists that I saw relating to my other issues were unable to help me, so I feel utterly lost.

There's a part of me that likes being a virgin for some reason... and yet I'd love to have a relationship with a man and explore my sexuality. I'm also worried that my lack of experience will put men off and that I'd be considered worthless to them.

Has anybody else had similar problems? If so, how did you deal with them? Am I a lost cause?