Wow, I just found this thread thinking this is exactly how I feel until I realized
I wrote this. I still feel this way, two years later, and have found no healthy ways to cope or who "myself" is. Everything I do, even if under the disguise of "this is who I am", actually doesn't feel like myself at all, rather another way to try and be accepted.
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Originally Posted by CrazyRG
Wow I thought I was the only one who felt like this. I also don't know who I actually am. I just know that I am a failure in so mny ways and that I can't carry on with this. SO I tried to reinvent myself and to look for people I can see as rolemodels. But it has ended in me just trying to imitate those people (even if I actually fail at this, too). But I really WANT to be like these people by now because it is just so much better than being the failure that I truly am... There's no day where I wake up and not wish to be someone else.
But this also results in not knowing what I actually am good at (if something like this exists at all) because all my rolemodels are good at things I am bad at...
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This is exactly how I feel. Come to think of it, I think this is why I'm so inconsistent. I'm always trying to be somebody else. And if I fail at being like them, I'll go search for my next "inspiration". It's exhausting, really. It is easier letting go of all that, but being left with only
me, no disguises, really disgusts me. I'm not nice or interesting at all.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ArcheM
I have felt like that. My problem is that I can't interact with others positively as myself, so I've had to "borrow" a persona to be friendly, generous, etc. Although lately I've been more accepting of myself, which comes with a penalty of feeling like a jerk, but at the same time I disappoint other people less when my real self seeps through the cracks.
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I feel you. I usually try to mimick the other person's behavior, or behave in a way I believe they would approve and like. I have a different persona that changes depending on who I'm with.
I ****ing hate myself.