Quote:
Originally Posted by Miguel'smom
I don't talk very often. I have nothing to say. It really really bothers me how silent I am. (It makes me not want to live.) That is until I flip out. Today I screamed at my son to "shut the **** up and do his work" Now he was trying to get out of work that he's way behind in but it really didn't deserve that response and I'm doing that a lot. I'm starting to think I'm just naturally a *****. I don't want to be medicated more. Hell I blame the zyprexa for me being almost mute. I'm going from 0-100 fast. It's not just with my son it's everyone. The world feels too real and I don't know how to make it stop. I want to scream and cry at the same time. That said I can't stay alone because I think someones going to break in and kill me (the usual for me). I want to hurt myself so bad but I wont. I just really want to cry but my body wont let me.
I don't know what I'm asking I don't see T for another week but honestly she's not a very good T.
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Three things:
1. The god-damned world is real; it is too real. F**king hurts out here. But it is sensual in that senses dulled come alive again and that allows one to bear, maybe embrace, the pain.
2. I doubt that anyone will break in and kill you. I’ve had, now, four burglary’s in 32 days. The burglar broke in as I slept but did not enter my bedroom. I’m assuming that you’re not in a Federal witness protection program?
3. If I were you, I would tell your therapist, “I gotta tell ya... you’re not doing me any good.” They thrive on that kind of feedback. Sometimes they can change (my current therapist was horrible in the first year - he became a jewel when I slammed him).
Press on. You can.