Quote:
Originally Posted by elevatedsoul
memories...
this is a topic that i have wanted to talk about for a long time but haven't been able to find anyone i can talk to about it with because no one i have encountered experiences the same thing with memories as i do...
i don't have memories... i have flashbacks, of course.. of certain things...
but of memory... my memory is very very poor.. i have very poor memory recall on a daily basis... weekly, monthly, yearly...
i am simply existing watching the waters of time flow over me as nothing sticks besides the bumpy boulders creating rapids which throws up the flashbacks from times to times... thats not to say that i forget everything, i do have some recall and am able to function, but its just really poor .. i've just become really good at being able to compensate i think...
i wish that i knew what was wrong with my memory 
to control memories?
meditation may be a good exercise to practice...
its good for many things... |
I really think the loss of memory is part of the CPTSD, depression, the wanting to put those past memories away somewhere that they are not controlling your life. That can be done but I'm not sure how I did it for so long and that an event almost 4 years ago brought all these memories back to the surface.
It's like that one event opened the closet door and let all of the skeleton memories out. But maybe my defense against them was staying busy, with something I enjoy, until something happened and triggered me.
Right now I can't focus enough to meditate.