How do you control memories?

I guess control is a strong word to use. According to my therapist my whole life has been avoidance driven. I got so tired of hearing her say that's avoidance, I just stop talking. So maybe I'm sitting with them in silence now, or frozen in that time and space with them. Afraid to move, afraid to speak. I think time and learning skills is the answer, but why does that have to be so hard?

It's confusing and it makes it hard to grasp what's really going on sometimes. I get frustrated with myself because these memories won't stop and I used to be able to just "turn them off". I'm sure it's related to stress level, but I have also noticed that as my stress level decreases, the level of distress that the memories cause decreases too, but not as much. I'm afraid that this is my "new norm" for the rest of my life, that I will never get back to the point where I can "turn them off".

Maybe you need something else to focus on. Your daughter was your life and what you gave undivided attention to. Now she is on her own and that is missing from your life. What I'm saying is that idle time may be bad for us both. Without engaging our minds it give memories time to fill the void.

I agree with you.

I actually have a lot of projects planned for this fall and winter. I have at least one website to completely redesign and two that need some modifications and fixes. I have classes planned. My biggest problem right now is digging into them. Before I do all that though, I am doing some reorganizing in the house and want to get a little further along before I dig in. Reorganizing is boring and tedious, but when I get it to a certain point, my office will be much better suited for the website work I have ahead of me.

I really should get out and do some volunteer work, but every time I get to the point where I think I can do it, I just don't have the energy or will to meet with people, especially people I don't already know. So I think that is out for now.

The empty nester syndrome is a minor issue for me, and although I do miss her, I am ok because she is very happy right now. To me, that is the most important thing.

So happy for you and your daughter. Maybe you will have some grandchildren to keep you busy soon Sounds like you are doing well re-focusing your time. Congrats on your progress and strength.

thanks for posting these

memories...
this is a topic that i have wanted to talk about for a long time but haven't been able to find anyone i can talk to about it with because no one i have encountered experiences the same thing with memories as i do...

i don't have memories... i have flashbacks, of course.. of certain things...
but of memory... my memory is very very poor.. i have very poor memory recall on a daily basis... weekly, monthly, yearly...

i am simply existing watching the waters of time flow over me as nothing sticks besides the bumpy boulders creating rapids which throws up the flashbacks from times to times... thats not to say that i forget everything, i do have some recall and am able to function, but its just really poor .. i've just become really good at being able to compensate i think...

i wish that i knew what was wrong with my memory

to control memories?
meditation may be a good exercise to practice...
its good for many things...

I really think the loss of memory is part of the CPTSD, depression, the wanting to put those past memories away somewhere that they are not controlling your life. That can be done but I'm not sure how I did it for so long and that an event almost 4 years ago brought all these memories back to the surface.

It's like that one event opened the closet door and let all of the skeleton memories out. But maybe my defense against them was staying busy, with something I enjoy, until something happened and triggered me.

Right now I can't focus enough to meditate.

Just recently I came to the realization that I don't specifically remember being 9 years old. I can come up with some type of memory (neutral at best, traumatizing at worst) of being 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 and 8, then 10 and on, although some of them are just memories from school. My memories at home I sometimes get confused about my age. But I truly cannot remember school in 5th grade and no memories from home. I have a very traumatic memory from being 8 years old (it's like my mind is blank after that incident), then a few memories of being 10, a couple from school and two very traumatic memories from home.

These three memories, along with several others from age 11 up through 16, run through my mind daily. I just want them to go away, but they won't.

im coming to believe that my memory is warped still and processes the things the way it does because i am still in the midst of this traumatic experience for me..

i need to find a way out and get on my own into a safe environment in order to really start a healing process..

i also have a hard time with meditation because of the inner workings but it can be a really good tool