I wonder why im like this. Its like i know i need them most the time but i just cant bring myself to do it. And the more i DONT take it the more i dont want it. Ugh. I probably am in some psychosis. Knowing me. Whenever i get depressed i just dont want them. I think about all the side effects and how superficial i am on meds and it makes me so sick. Im so sick of myself.

I think angelique is kinda right. I feel like maybe im not takkng them to kinda punish myself. To like show the world “look, me ON them is NOT who i am. I dont care about you. I CAN survive alone without this world. Without you.” Idk. Im so confused.

I didnt do any of that stuff