Quote:
Originally Posted by ElectricManatee
I don't have a ton of experience to share, but I wanted to say good for you for trying to figure this out now! I was raised by an alcoholic parent and don't recommend it. So getting in front of the problem now will help your whole family.
Since it sounds like you recognize that you drink to curb anxiety, it might be helpful to try substituting better coping mechanisms. My T recommended a hobby with repetitive hand motions (like knitting or playing the guitar) to soothe anxiety. I picked up knitting out of desperation and found that it actually works. I have other go-to things to work for me too, like brisk walks with music and petting my dog, but I think the point is to see what works for you. Same thing for spending time with H. Instead of focusing on *not* drinking, maybe try making fun plans to do something new that just happens to not involve alcohol (driving somewhere scenic, visiting a weird museum or shop you haven't been to, trying out a Groupon for something random, etc.). Depending on your level of usage, you might be able to deal with this by moderating your drinking and then also dealing with the underlying psychological issues.
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Thanks, EM. Those are some good ideas. And the thing is, I don't necessarily want to stop drinking entirely--just to be much more moderate. Like, have a beer with dinner, and that's it. Or maybe have a couple drinks at a party every couple months. But not, like, have 3-5 a day EVERY day. And I have been able to drink in moderation in the past for long stretches of time (plus stopped entirely while pregnant/breastfeeding).
Which is part of why I'm reluctant to do something like AA, where the goal is complete sobriety. (And I'm fully aware that for many people, that's the only responsible option.) And who knows, maybe I do need to stop for a period of time to sort of "reset" myself.
Just thinking out loud now: In terms of marriage stuff...I think part of why I started drinking more at home, particularly in the evenings, is that I'd be feeling this anxiety when H got home. Part of that goes back to his anger issues that really increased when his friend passed away 4 or 5 years ago--and what ultimately led us to marriage counseling. Like I would end up having random panic attacks while we were sitting on the couch together eating dinner, and then he'd get annoyed at me because I'd try to hide the anxiety. And the alcohol helped take away that anxiety. So I got into that habit...and I guess I worry if I don't drink at all when H is here and we're hanging out at dinner time/in evening, then I'll be anxious, he'll be irritated, etc.
Hm, thinking that aspect may need to come up in marriage counseling...