Asking T for help with addictive behavior

Has anyone had an experience asking your T for help with an addictive behavior? (whether drinking, drugs, smoking, compulsive gambling, etc.) If the T has agreed that you have, at the very least, red flags for addiction, did they try to say/do anything to further address it, or just point it out? If they did try to further address it, is there anything in particular that they said or did that helped? Or anything that you found to be particularly unhelpful?

I think it's very good idea to ask your T for help with addiction. It is also helpful to go to meetings for addiction. AA, NA! And gamblers anonymous.

Thanks. It came up some in marriage counseling yesterday, and MC noted that I had some red flags (drinking), but it's not like he really gave any suggestions on what to do. Just said sounds like it's coming from an emotional place (as in, using alcohol to cope with anxiety/stress). I plan to talk about it with my individual T (T2) tomorrow and am just wondering if I should expect the same sort of reaction from him. Like, "yep, sounds like you could have an issue." When I'd talked about it in the past with T1, she acted like it was no big deal.

So mostly wondering if that's standard protocol for T's (obviously, not those who specialize in addiction), like point it out (or not), but not actually give strategies to help.

I’m looking into DBT therapy, but I haven’t made any moves yet. I’m addicted to the internet as a way to escape anxiety.

It is supposed to be really effective—I learned about it here. I’m watching YouTube videos to learn more about it

Therapists and group therapy both use DBT

If you count SI as an addiction, then yes, I've talked to my Ts about it. We talked about the history, how it started, why I did it, etc. They taught me coping skills and things to do instead. And then we talked about my stressors and how to expand my window of tolerance. It helped. I was able to reduce. Medication, in the end, is what got me to stop.

I also suffer from picking. Ex-T suggested that I wear gloves and put band-aids on all my sores to try and stop me from doing it. She jokingly said I should tape oven mitts on my hands.

I have other addictions too (eating, smoking), but I haven't really addressed those yet in therapy. I've quit smoking before. I've tried all the medications (except the one that can cause suicidal thoughts), but they don't help. Only way I can do it is cold turkey.

I think different therapists probably take different approaches, and some won't give directions or direct suggestions. I've had one who never gave direct suggestions, and now I have one who gives very direct suggestions, especially regarding my addictions. I think there's also a lot of different opinions out there in the professional world about substance abuse, addiction, and the solutions for these problems. Some are advocates of the twelve step fellowships, some believe that people can learn to drink/use drugs in moderation etc.
For my addictions/addictive behaviour it has helped going to twelve step meetings and following all the suggestions there, trying to keep accountable to people (my sponsor, friends, my psychologist, and living with people in recovery keeps me accountable). focusing more on healthier coping mechanisms rather than just trying to push away the unhealthy coping mechanisms (that just leaves a hole which can easily be filled by another addictive behaviour - for me at least). spending time with friends who are not going to drink around you or laugh at you for not drinking or pressure you to drink.
good luck x

My T knows both about my drinking and use of other substances to cope with anxiety/life in general and about SI. So far, he has tried brainstorming or suggesting various ways to cope with the issues causing me to abuse alcohol or to cut. He tries to strengthen my coping mechanisms so I don't have to resort to other things.

However, he never straight up adresses it as anything having to do with addiction. He listens if I tell him about it, and occasionally asks about my use if I don't mention it for a while. If there is anything that worries him, he will usually give me some drug safety advice.

He also once stated that "it wouldn't help if he told me to just stop doing it", so I don't think he will ever do that, he will just support me for as long as I need to realize that I can cope in different ways.

We've talked about it and one time she asked me to get rid of all the alcohol in my house but that was part of a safety plan.

I think talking about alternative coping strategies would be appropriate.

We have talked about it a bit, but more along the lines that she's not an expert on addictions, and in some cases she may not work with someone if they are not getting help for it, ie AA.
Her reason is that the addiction will seriously impact your life, and then you can not properly address issues in therapy until that addiction, mostly drugs/alcohol, are addressed and/or resolved, or at least dormant.

Thanks for all the comments. I'll report back on what T2 says tomorrow. (I did send MC and e-mail about it, but no response yet, which isn't all that surprising.)

I don't have a ton of experience to share, but I wanted to say good for you for trying to figure this out now! I was raised by an alcoholic parent and don't recommend it. So getting in front of the problem now will help your whole family.

Since it sounds like you recognize that you drink to curb anxiety, it might be helpful to try substituting better coping mechanisms. My T recommended a hobby with repetitive hand motions (like knitting or playing the guitar) to soothe anxiety. I picked up knitting out of desperation and found that it actually works. I have other go-to things to work for me too, like brisk walks with music and petting my dog, but I think the point is to see what works for you. Same thing for spending time with H. Instead of focusing on *not* drinking, maybe try making fun plans to do something new that just happens to not involve alcohol (driving somewhere scenic, visiting a weird museum or shop you haven't been to, trying out a Groupon for something random, etc.). Depending on your level of usage, you might be able to deal with this by moderating your drinking and then also dealing with the underlying psychological issues.

Thanks, EM. Those are some good ideas. And the thing is, I don't necessarily want to stop drinking entirely--just to be much more moderate. Like, have a beer with dinner, and that's it. Or maybe have a couple drinks at a party every couple months. But not, like, have 3-5 a day EVERY day. And I have been able to drink in moderation in the past for long stretches of time (plus stopped entirely while pregnant/breastfeeding).

Which is part of why I'm reluctant to do something like AA, where the goal is complete sobriety. (And I'm fully aware that for many people, that's the only responsible option.) And who knows, maybe I do need to stop for a period of time to sort of "reset" myself.

Just thinking out loud now: In terms of marriage stuff...I think part of why I started drinking more at home, particularly in the evenings, is that I'd be feeling this anxiety when H got home. Part of that goes back to his anger issues that really increased when his friend passed away 4 or 5 years ago--and what ultimately led us to marriage counseling. Like I would end up having random panic attacks while we were sitting on the couch together eating dinner, and then he'd get annoyed at me because I'd try to hide the anxiety. And the alcohol helped take away that anxiety. So I got into that habit...and I guess I worry if I don't drink at all when H is here and we're hanging out at dinner time/in evening, then I'll be anxious, he'll be irritated, etc.

Hm, thinking that aspect may need to come up in marriage counseling...

I didn't ask. He somehow figured out something was up by me being numb I guess. He asked me if I could stop drinking. I was so embarrassed I quit drinking and smoking by my next appointment. I returned to drinking after a while, I think he knows, doesn't seem to make a big deal out of it but maybe he is not aware of how much. I think I'm the same as you, I don't want to stop completely, I know I can drink in moderation, I can be ok with a glass of wine with dinner of some drinks occasionally but somehow it has become a way of coping with anxiety or just fixing my mood and be more pleasant around my H Maybe I should mention it again, I'm just afraid and ashamed.

It took me weeks to build up the courage to tell my T that I drink too much, and she just said, "Oh, I didn't know you used alcohol as a coping mechanism. That's okay. Lot's of people do that."
I guess I didn't convey that I was concerned about it, or maybe I made it sound less serious than I feel like it is. But I feel like she responded like it wasn't a big deal and so it's made me hesitate to tell her about my drug abuse.

There's SMART Recovery, which isn't AA.

Addictive behavior(s) were very much the main area I went to see therapists for. I have a history of different kinds: eating disorder in my youth, a crazy and mutually addictive romantic relationship in my 30s, drinking that became the most horrible, destructive habit for me, and distracting myself with useless emailing and other online interactions and not dealing with problems, including important practical issues and the drinking itself.

First time I started therapy, I was already in recovery from the alcoholism (~1.5 year total abstinence) and I decided to try psychoanalysis mostly out of curiosity and to add something new to my recovery regimen and my life-long interest in self discovery. I had zero denial about my addictions at that point (had lots before of course, like most addicts) and I wasn't interested in anything else but 100% sobriety-based solutions as I was too far gone for moderation, unable to handle my drinking that way. I did talk about the addictions and my recovery with that T a lot but he wasn't really helpful, especially when I had a relapse later. He handled that terribly in spite of claiming addictions as one of his specialty... but with experience I figured he was just a bad T for me. I left therapy then mostly because I was desperate about the relapse and very angry about the T's dismissive attitude about it. I desperately wanted help to stop the drinking and instead of addressing that and suggesting ways to resolve it, he just wanted me to talk about my parents, told me directly not to seek other support outside of him ("just come and talk to me"), and got very angry and defensive when I criticized him for that attitude. It was downright destructive and I did not need more of that on top of my own behavior. Then he was unwilling to accept when I terminated and would contact me with all sorts of "analyses" that made no sense and just added to the distraction, they were all about him more than myself. Not addressing the drinking at all or only as far as trying to lure me back into seeing him. One thing he told me once was "you would be better to drink me rather than all the alcohol that is not good for you". Can you believe?

Anyhow, I left that T and got heavily involved in peer recovery groups (also did first time I got sober). I tried pretty much every self-help addiction recovery method out there: AA, SMART (my favorite), Refuge Recovery, Rational Recovery, and an awesome web forum called Sober Recovery (which I ended up using excessively but was better than the drinking). I found helpful things in all of them but never committed to just one or followed one program completely as prescribed, kinda made my own more holistic combo. I also found a new T when I was still drinking off and on and told him in my first contact email that the relapse was the main issue. He wasn't too helpful with the drinking per se, but it's hard for anyone to tell me anything new about substance addiction/recovery at this point as I know more about it both theoretically (it's also one of my research areas that I do for living) and from first hand experience... it was more that he learned new methods from me.

What became very helpful eventually with the second T was his approach to handle my obsessive emailing/online habit, which was definitely a form of addictive behavior for me. I worked very hard to beat that myself (still do, one reason I don't get too involved in this forum either), but his allowing but not reinforcing the emails (the other T got enmeshed in that as well) turned out the best help for me. It helped to lose my compulsion to email gradually, and never felt inclined to do it again with anyone else either. It's been a year since, so I am happy with the result that seems to hold up. It was something I did not plan or expect to address in therapy at first but turned out the greatest benefit.

I did become quite addicted to the whole collaborative self-analysis/therapy thing though and in the end I kept going mostly for the pleasure of it, but I wasn't comfortable as I still used it as distraction from other things in my life - that was when I stopped regular therapy completely, and that was also a very good decision for me.

This is my story in relation to addiction and therapy. I know that some people find Ts helpful more directly with substance abuse, but I think it only works if the client has a high level of determination and motivation to address it and turn it around on a daily basis, as the behavior itself does not occur in therapy sessions. Why the peer support, that is not so structured and can be accessed as needed, can be much more helpful for many.

It is awesome that you recognize that drinking is a problem for you, LT, at this stage - many people (including myself) go much further and get stuck in already very destructive phases, and then it is extremely hard to stop. For me, it was undeniably the most difficult thing I had done in my life, no other challenge comes even close.

ETA: A somewhat related thought that often occurs to me reading this forum is that the "attachment" to the Ts people describe is perhaps more a form of addiction than genuine attachment and interpersonal bond (even one-sided), but this is just my view and obviously biased based on my experiences.

My T semi-regularly suggests I try AA-to which I tell her "No way." She brought up the red flags herself, and now checks in every once in awhile to see how the drinking is going.

My T has been helpful with mine forntge most part. When she’s actually paying attention she does go out of her way to have me hand her whatever it is that I’ve decided to to take. I usually take fat loss pills and powders of such nature. She will have me hand it to her an drgat is helpful. There are times though that I’m having a really hard time and she’s not really paying attention. I tend to care less about what harm I’m doing to myself when I feel that no one else cares as well. It’s something I have to work on. It was nice when she did so. I then tried even harder to follow her recommendations because I felt that she was going out of her way.