I have such great foresight and I really listen to it (I say this in the most sarcastic way possible).

I had a tough week, last week. A lot was going on and I couldn't hardly hold my cellphone, I was shaking so bad. I stayed like that for days. So, this past weekend I was especially low. How do you fix a low so that you can be productive? Booze and bud. Don't get me wrong, the house looks phenomenal and so does the car, but I'm a damn wreck.

Now, because of the alcohol I'm just as down as I was Saturday morning. And because I thought it was such a great idea to get high and not take my olanzapine the past two nights -- I couldn't afford to be slowed down by it, not with everything I had to do -- I'm left with my hallucinations being more frequent, louder and a lot more frustrating. These normal hallucinations can suck, but the more these keep up... let's just say there's one particular hallucination that triggers a flashback every single time.

I had been taking my meds like I should. I was actually doing a really good job with it. Then Saturday night happened and I just didn't care anymore. Now I gotta deal with the repercussions. I'm mostly just venting about my own bad decisions right now. And somehow I gotta act like everything's fine and dandy in two hours and stay that way for however long I'm gonna be in the public.