Dealing With My Poor Decisions

I have such great foresight and I really listen to it (I say this in the most sarcastic way possible).

I had a tough week, last week. A lot was going on and I couldn't hardly hold my cellphone, I was shaking so bad. I stayed like that for days. So, this past weekend I was especially low. How do you fix a low so that you can be productive? Booze and bud. Don't get me wrong, the house looks phenomenal and so does the car, but I'm a damn wreck.

Now, because of the alcohol I'm just as down as I was Saturday morning. And because I thought it was such a great idea to get high and not take my olanzapine the past two nights -- I couldn't afford to be slowed down by it, not with everything I had to do -- I'm left with my hallucinations being more frequent, louder and a lot more frustrating. These normal hallucinations can suck, but the more these keep up... let's just say there's one particular hallucination that triggers a flashback every single time.

I had been taking my meds like I should. I was actually doing a really good job with it. Then Saturday night happened and I just didn't care anymore. Now I gotta deal with the repercussions. I'm mostly just venting about my own bad decisions right now. And somehow I gotta act like everything's fine and dandy in two hours and stay that way for however long I'm gonna be in the public.

I'm so proud of you for realizing the mistake and what the consequences are for it. But it was a mistake, we all make them, don't beat yourself over it. Try to learn something from it so it will not be repeated again. I do the same thing with food when I diet. May be dieting and doing really well then I think....well....I can splurge a little....nope...what ever I ate was not worth having to work harder to get those couple of pounds off, plus being disappointed in myself for doing so well and falling into temptation, and I knew better. Life is a learning process, we are going to make mistakes, we are not perfect. But when a bad idea comes up we need to weigh out the consequences and see if it's worth it in the long run, ya know?
I have faith in you and I know you can act "fine and dandy" .