So many of you know that I've not been doing very well for the majority of this year. I feel like I have so many problems or issues going on at once. My therapist has brought up several times that I seem to be having an identity issue. I do agree that I don't know what my identity is. But I never thought that it could be causing most of my problems. I'm always questioning my feelings or thoughts and sometimes I can't tell if my feelings are real or just in my head. What if things aren't as bad as I feel or believe they are. My therapist has asked me a few times about my self identity and I have no idea. I never really thought about it before. I feel like I change a lot. I've never been the same all the time. I think I usually just pick someone to be similar to and I go with it for awhile until I decide to change again. I've always been this way. I guess maybe now it's causing problems because I feel like I don't have choices in what I do. When I met my husband I was not what or who I am now. I kind of adapted to how he was and now I feel like I'm stuck. One of the biggest issues that I have now is not being able to work. I feel like I'm not going anywhere or growing. Like I'm being left behind. I've been out of what I did for over a year now and I don't even know if that's what I should be doing anymore. I'm so unsure now. I honestly don't know what I want to do anymore. Yea I liked being a hairstylist but I don't feel like I'd be that good anymore. I keep thinking that maybe I should go back to school but I have no idea what I would go for. I want to do something because I would like to personally be successful. I would like to have things. Right now I feel like there isn't really a me. And when I think that maybe I've found a little bit of who I might possibly be it's wrong and hurts someone that I love. The other major issue I've been having is my emotional needs seem to be unrealistic. I just want my husband to be passionate about me and I don't feel that from him. He keeps saying that he hasn't changed but he's not the same as when I fell in love with him. I just want that person back. That's what I crave. I'm so tired of bringing up my needs to him because I just feel like I'm asking for too much. I'm not getting the intimacy that I need from him and now I don't know if it's real or just because me. Reality, as far as my feelings and emotions go, is becoming very blurry. I was very upset last night, depressed feeling thinking about how I feel like I'm not a person because there's nothing to me and I just want to be a person and my husbands reaction to how I feel makes me question my feelings. Should I even have these feelings? Are they even real? I just don't even know anymore. It makes me wonder why I'm even here. I also have a great need to be around people, to have friends. I hate being alone and feeling alone. Nothing makes sense. This post probably doesn't even make sense.