Maybe something else is wrong with me

So many of you know that I've not been doing very well for the majority of this year. I feel like I have so many problems or issues going on at once. My therapist has brought up several times that I seem to be having an identity issue. I do agree that I don't know what my identity is. But I never thought that it could be causing most of my problems. I'm always questioning my feelings or thoughts and sometimes I can't tell if my feelings are real or just in my head. What if things aren't as bad as I feel or believe they are. My therapist has asked me a few times about my self identity and I have no idea. I never really thought about it before. I feel like I change a lot. I've never been the same all the time. I think I usually just pick someone to be similar to and I go with it for awhile until I decide to change again. I've always been this way. I guess maybe now it's causing problems because I feel like I don't have choices in what I do. When I met my husband I was not what or who I am now. I kind of adapted to how he was and now I feel like I'm stuck. One of the biggest issues that I have now is not being able to work. I feel like I'm not going anywhere or growing. Like I'm being left behind. I've been out of what I did for over a year now and I don't even know if that's what I should be doing anymore. I'm so unsure now. I honestly don't know what I want to do anymore. Yea I liked being a hairstylist but I don't feel like I'd be that good anymore. I keep thinking that maybe I should go back to school but I have no idea what I would go for. I want to do something because I would like to personally be successful. I would like to have things. Right now I feel like there isn't really a me. And when I think that maybe I've found a little bit of who I might possibly be it's wrong and hurts someone that I love. The other major issue I've been having is my emotional needs seem to be unrealistic. I just want my husband to be passionate about me and I don't feel that from him. He keeps saying that he hasn't changed but he's not the same as when I fell in love with him. I just want that person back. That's what I crave. I'm so tired of bringing up my needs to him because I just feel like I'm asking for too much. I'm not getting the intimacy that I need from him and now I don't know if it's real or just because me. Reality, as far as my feelings and emotions go, is becoming very blurry. I was very upset last night, depressed feeling thinking about how I feel like I'm not a person because there's nothing to me and I just want to be a person and my husbands reaction to how I feel makes me question my feelings. Should I even have these feelings? Are they even real? I just don't even know anymore. It makes me wonder why I'm even here. I also have a great need to be around people, to have friends. I hate being alone and feeling alone. Nothing makes sense. This post probably doesn't even make sense.

The post does make sense. Just take it easy you have very normal problems. Your picture is drama masks your being over dramatic.

I have this problem too. I asked my therapist once if I had dissociative disorder once, because I am different people at different times, but he said I’m just bipolar.

I question who I really am. I’m not the confident person who took my job, for example.

I’ve done the thing you talk about-just pick a friend or someone I admire and act like them a good part of my life. I’m still doing it.

As far as relationship with your husband, I think that’s another topic, but I do think bipolar interferes with relationships

I’ve also read DBT helps with sense of self for BPD. I haven’t been diagnosed with this, but I’m curious since the sanity score quiz on this website scored me high for this.

I was typing into Google, "don't feel like a person" and "don't know who I am" and similar stuff and identity disorders kept popping up. I was reading about borderline personality disorder and I fit the symptoms a lot. I don't like being alone but I don't think I have abandonment issues. I also seen something called identity crisis and identity disturbance. But it shows mostly as a symptom of dissociation and dissociative identity disorder. I don't think I fit the symptoms of those. It just makes me more confused and wonder if I even have bipolar though I do fit the symptoms pretty spot on. But I do have other issues that bipolar can't explain like I wrote in the original post above. I just feel like all my issues are running together.

My husband emulates people it's exhausting for him slowly it has stabled out as he no longer works. He has an outside face and a home face but he has BP also this is separate then bp. I met him when he was manic and emulating his best friend. He flipped through a bunch of "personalities" before settling on an outdoor mask that he likes. I can fake happy, positive really well it scares him and begged me never again do that to him.

I was going to mention that maybe you should do some research about Borderline Personality Disorder. I'm of course, not a Dr, but what you're describing seems to fit in the symptoms and description of Borderline Personality Disorder. Again, I'm not a Dr, I don't have it but I've read a lot about it.

Best wishes to you no matter what your diagnosis is. I hope you find something to help you feel better soon.

When was the last time you were evaluated by a professional? That might be beneficial.

Hey dshantel,

Your post reminds me alot of when I was younger. The combination of bipolar mood swings and a high degree of anxiety can mimic a personality disorder at times... that's my impression at least.

Anxiety can everything run together and seem overwhelming and the changes in mood and perception with bipolar can make it hard to solidify on an identity. Since i catastrophize a lot it can be a relief to realize that things are not necessarily the way I perceive them to be right now... that can also be a blessing at times.

I was evaluated when I began going to this place I go to. I think it was August or maybe September. My diagnosis is bipolar 2, social anxiety and then adjustment disorder with depressed and anxious mood.

My mood swings sometimes don't seem to make a whole lot of sense. Like I understand the bipolar hypo/mania and depression. But there's also the anger and depression that's situationally triggered. I've just got so much going on and I can't tell what's related and what's not.