I am in therapy. Have been for 25 years, off and on. Doesn't seem to do much, really. Unfortunately. I think I've come to the conclusion that I'm just a failed, broken person and there is not much help for me.

Doesn't matter anymore, guys. I burned a major bridge with him anyway. I was going to sabotage it eventually, anyway, because that's what I do. And, surprise, I did.

I've been feeling pretty unstable the last few months but I don't have the option to fall apart. No support, no one but me to earn the money, and I cannot be inpatient for a fifth time. What will it accomplish? I've tried all the drugs, been through all of the therapy, and I know all of the classes they teach inpatient. It's just getting worse as I get older.

I'm beginning to realize I have to face up to the fact that this is who I am. And I am who I get to live with, alone, for the rest of my life.