Your stress over all of this sounds similar to things that I put up with in my home. I tend to do myself the same way by over thinking stuff and not doing what I know is best for me. I always put myself last even when I try not to. It makes me feel weak and like I don't truly have any self love or the healthy kind of self love that others obviously have. I'm not married but, the crap that I take off of my live-in brother makes me feel like I am. IMO there are few things in the world that are worse than a liar. I'm no marriage counselor but, what you describe doesn't sound like a healthy marriage to me. You deserve better.