seesaw..bill...molin..golden...
You have NO IDEA how much you helped me...my gut knows this is good the seperation...but my old habits and missing someone this bad...clouds my judgement.

I always feel so sad..when he asks if I think he has made good progress..and yes he has...and I love him so much and he loves me so much...and we are both codependent...

Bill asked why my son doesn't like him:
2 of my sons don't...

My oldest just because Danny (my b/f) was living here not having to work because I allowed that and wanted that for the first year he was here...I was struggling after leaving a job...I had a severence...he made me happy...we did things other than get drunk and him do drugs...I drank about 1x a month..but very badly...he used every day.

And then when I did want Danny to go to work...he didn't....and my son is also addicted to crack...so his problem was mostly money.

My youngest...when he first met him..he asked him if my Mom tries to drink can you promise you will stop her? And he said I can't promise you that.because your mother is an adult and if she wants to drink I can't stop her. THAT was NOT what my son wanted to hear...but on Dannys behalf...Danny HAD NO IDEA at the TIME why my son said that. Because I hadn't drank in 8 years and 2 of them were with Danny...Danny had never seen me take a drink at that time.

My youngest says he doesn't care....and he SHOULD have known if a son was asking it was a problem....SO...there is no changing his mind either.

Really, I was thinking 6 months to watch him and see if he is sober...I know I am going to work as hard as I can to STAY sober.

And we can't continue dating because he is wasting time...he is a very loving guy...and has been honest and said ...he just CANT be alone...I know him and i know that is the only reason...it is not just SEX...it is needing a companion...he is codependent..and so am I...but I have spent time alone and know how..he doesn't.....I understand he can't.

Anyway..he has been trying for 7 months since he left to win me over and he has so many good points...our money together..we could be driving a new car with a payment...and with all my time off...I could love him to death..take care of our parents who we spent quite a bit of time with...now we both miss doing THAT together and would do it to stay sober......BUT...Everything happens for a reason...God has us seperated..it was very hard for me to do that too...but it was the right thing.

And now I am doing the right thing...as much as it is hurting me (my stomach is in constant knots)....

Thank YOU ALL SO SO MUCH...I knew my gut said stay away for a bit...

and my heart and soul...and MIND...say your not going to live maybe that long...and don't you want to be comfortable sleeping next to him, right up to him...and his warmth?

My heart, mind and soul will always win if I dont ask logical advise...I'm not logical in that way...and I don't know why I want to be...but sometimes it is for the better says GUT.