When I was reading about your latest session I was thinking how professional your therapist is and it seems like she reacted exactly how she should which is: focus on finding the solution instead of dwelling and extensively discussing what happened and how it made you both feel.
The way you describe her reactions and responses is that she was trying not to focus on your emotional intensity but instead on how to control it. You say she ignored those few attempts of you trying to stir it up even more: 'I want to be punished' and when this didnt provoke a reaction being more extreme with the 'spanking'
And it seems all you wanted was this 'non-proffesional' reaction of anger that would prove its two people talking not a therapist-patient.
She does love you, I am sure she means it but I don't think you 'hear' when she says it because its not the type of love you want from her: this is the professional, caring love of a therapist not of a family memeber or friend.
You've mentioned before that you would not google any of your friends etc thats why i think that this boundary crossing is specific to you and t. It really seems to me that you are trying to creat a closness that will never be there and if that cannot be achieved you act to provoke a reaction that would be humanly (like anger) and not professional.
It seems to me that this makes you 'a little depressed'.
Again, I might be so so wrong. This story does strike a chord with me but I don't think the relationship I have in mind is one between me and t, just somone who is unapproachable. it seems indifference is the worst reaction, far worse than anger...