How strange, I thought I was oing OK, but then I never know what I'm feeling until something snaps.
I've always heard the old wives tale that if you die in a dream you die in reality.
Last night I dreamed that a disturbed man went wild with a gun in a public place, and killed myself and two other random strangers by shooting us point blank in the head. In my dream I saw my funeral and the newscasts about the incident, we most definatley died. Nightmares have been an almost nightly occurance since I can remember, so having one wasn't surprising. What did upset me was my reaction to waking up and being alive. I was disapointed! My first thought was "I died in that dream, why did I have to wake up?"
How on earth can I deal with my emotions if I'm not even aware I have them? This is getting scary now, is this feeling of being as detached from myself as I've always ben from others a part of depression? It's been going on to some degree for 15 years, but this is too extreme, to subconciously be suicidal and not even know it.