out of touch with myself?

How strange, I thought I was oing OK, but then I never know what I'm feeling until something snaps.
I've always heard the old wives tale that if you die in a dream you die in reality.
Last night I dreamed that a disturbed man went wild with a gun in a public place, and killed myself and two other random strangers by shooting us point blank in the head. In my dream I saw my funeral and the newscasts about the incident, we most definatley died. Nightmares have been an almost nightly occurance since I can remember, so having one wasn't surprising. What did upset me was my reaction to waking up and being alive. I was disapointed! My first thought was "I died in that dream, why did I have to wake up?"
How on earth can I deal with my emotions if I'm not even aware I have them? This is getting scary now, is this feeling of being as detached from myself as I've always ben from others a part of depression? It's been going on to some degree for 15 years, but this is too extreme, to subconciously be suicidal and not even know it.

whoever,

I've heard that old wives tale as well. When my husband was 17 he dreamed that he was a soldier in Vietnam and was killed. He hasn't remembered a dream since.

I'm confused though, why would you think that dream is suicidal? You had no control over the random acts of violence of others.

Are you by chance in withdrawal from Effexor? They did not wean me off of it and I had the most horrible dreams. Violent dreams. I was doing awful things to my kids for example. I dreamed that I threw my one of my twins off of a second story in a construction site as a toddler. When I woke up it took me a while to realize that the boy is now 14 and 6 feet tall, not a two years old so it couldn't have happened.

I agree with AAAAA,

the dreams, although scary can be a residue of being taken off meds too quickly. I bounce up and back between 3 antidepressants when the potentcy wears off, and they wean me off, then i take a 3 week break, (hate the break) and even THAT causes disturbing dreams.

Hoping you are feeling better. We are all here for you

Colleen

hi whoever... sounds scary and distrubing enough... ive also heard that wives tale... some wives tales are only that... tales...

im going to leap out here and say, the answer is transcendence...

The die in a dream, die in reality, if you think about it can't be true because how would we know? If someone dies they can't very well tell us what they were dreaming about.

Are you sure you wern't disappointed because the dream afforded you an interesting perspective you wanted to explore? Dying wasn't so bad once you did it, only took a moment, etc. and there wasn't any pain, people were watching you on the news. That's not suicidal or out of touch, it was just easier/nicer in the dream. I think anyone would feel that way.

I would look and see what "disturbed man went wild with a gun in a public place" part of me was trying to get my attention. There's someone very alive under that depression I think :-) and she's pissed off at not being able to surface and take part in life.

No, I'm not coming off any meds, havn't been on any in years. The sliding fee mental clinic doesn't have time for those who are neither suicidal, homicidal or court ordered, and while they suggested meds from my MD I'm afraid to get them from him, the one time he prescribed me something like that I had a frightening reaction.
You may be on to something Perna, was I identifying with the wrong character in my dream? I hadn't thought of it from that perspective, I was too focused on the fact that I was disappointed to be alive, but when I read it a light went on.
Yeah, I'm kind of strangling in red tape right now, on several fronts, very frustrated with the whole system and flat out exhausted.
I guess it's a safe bet that I won't be living out that dream in any characters part, I neither own nor know how to operate a firearm, and don't believe that death would be an acceptable solution to my problems any more than drugs were.

Perna, did you mean the 'character' symbolically, like, there's an issue and the imaginative mind will give ' a symbol' of the depth of disturbance?

a 'shooter' is an extreme symbol, but i can see how it would draw attention to whatever the initiating emotions and thoughts are... sort of 'begging' attention?

I was feeling more tuned into "disturbed man going wild" rather than "how" he went wild. I feel the gun is an extreme symbol, your dreaming mind has to be really wanting to get a point across to do the "guns blazing" act? It just seems like there's a part of Whoever who is tired of being "whoever" and wants to be known, NOW?

So, yes, I'd say you were out of touch with yourself, Whoever, if you aren't able to work with a therapist to access this portion of yourself and your feelings. Dreams can help us see where we need help or they can work overtime to make sense of things that are confusing or difficult in the daylight so we don't break down but I don't think they can do either one of those forever?