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Originally Posted by Open Eyes
Your story reminds me of something a friend of mine experienced. She was divorced and got used to living her life single and then got a call from a guy she once dated and had a kind of fling with years ago. This guy began wooing her and at first she did not want to engage him. He kept wooing her and slowly began romancing her with all kinds of dreams of love and adventure. She got hooked and I noticed how she had changed like she was suddenly "high" and embracing this "idea of romance and the illusion he was pulling her into". Surely it was TRUE LOVE at last, finally she had this one last chance to have that true love she had always dreamed of.
Then he finally came to visit her and at first she was still engaged in the illusion and then he left her only to spiral down into the cold reality she had thought she had finally escaped from. I got so I set a substantial amount of time aside for her while she would talk to me on the phone and she would have to repeat so many things he had said to her in his wooing that turned out to not be REAL. I would find myself sitting on the phone with her for two to three hours and I would listen to her repeat the same things over and over again and I somehow knew she needed to do that so I never stopped her or cut her off or dismissed her. She was grieving and she just needed to go over it all until she could find her way to finally accepting the reality of this wonderful illusion he took her on that was never going to be REAL. He could think it and woo it, but he could not actually DO IT.
There are men that can be great wooers. They convince someone they LOVE them and pull that woman into such a pleasant illusion. However, that is really all it is, "an illusion" and when it comes time to facing reality, it can come cold and hard. And even be a kind of traumatic "loss" for someone who so wanted to believe in the "illusion".
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TY for sharing this....
I have no doubts that my ex fiance truly loved me. I know he did. He just is incapable of being a mature, responsible adult, he is incapable of a mature, adult relationship and has far too many toxic traits and behaviors. He is very unhealthy emotionally, completely unstable and a total trainwreck in his life, essentially.
Deep down, he knows this about himself, he loathes himself and is full of self-hatred. He's told me how much he hates himself. He even broke down crying, bawling his eyes out in front of me once, telling me what a bad person he is. And now that I truly know him better, he is.
He lies, he steals, he's immoral in life and he cheats. Or at least I believe he emotionally cheated. I don't have actual full evidence -- only a strong gut instinct about it.
That being said, he DID woo me -- BIG TIME. He love bombed me, he supported me and reeled me in very quickly and fast -- all from a great physical distance.
He pretended to be all that I wanted and more... he made large promises and statements/declarations about himself. He told me he used to lie a lot but that he stopped long ago because he realized he wasn't doing himself any favors in life. Well guess what? He's still a liar, lying about being a liar. It's pathological in him. I caught him in many many different types of lies as I spent more time with him.
So much more was wrong. I probably will never conduct a long distance, online relationship again because of this. I am too afraid that I will run into similar problems.
I did fall in love with an illusion. An illusion of a person who was not real. It was traumatic to realize this and come down to reality. Those feelings are wearing off now that I am seeing it all and am accepting it all now -- what really happened.
TY again.