hi granite! it is good to hear from you.

i honestly and truly think you've run the course with this T. you have come a LONG way with her, and i am so proud of that! But you two seem to be entwined in this struggle, and i think she is stuck on how to help you and is only making things worse.

i really really really think you should try another T. Even if it is on an off week from seeing your regular T. Really research a trauma focused T, and maybe has knowledge in non-verbal (or less verbal) therapy. EMDR, Somatic Experience....because I think that can help you a lot. Either way, a fresh perspective probably will show you that the way your T does things is not the only way to do things.

My last T was kind and I know she tried to help me, but she was stuck in a specific way to try and help me, and I was stuck in the only way I knew how to be and eventually I got the courage to quit. It was YEARS past when I should have, but I kept thinking it was just me and my stupid-ness.

My current T is very different. Part of it is I connected to her much easier than my previous T, and another part is she is much more open and chill and not afraid to ask difficult questions, unlike my last T. The best thing, though? She and I have been talking about how she has been going about things hasn't helped allieve my depression at all for awhile now. So she is going out of her comfort zone to try and help me. It scares me, but also I am a little relieved that she is willing to change tactics to try and get out of my abyss.