I know what you are going through. I feel the same way, too. Sometimes I feel hopeless, like I'll never be able to stop hurting myself and feeling like I deserve it. But I broke free of it for about 6 months. (A really good record for me!) Those were my best six months. I was happy and hopeful. If I can do it, you can do it! What helped me begin those six months was finally finding the right medicine for me. (And making sure you take it ever day!) I did a lot of soul searching, and meditating, trying to find myself and become comfortable and confident in my body and myself. I started going to the gym regularly. When I was at the gym jogging I was able to not think bad thoughts. And slowly those bad thoughts that haunt us started going away. And then after a while, the bad thoughts were gone. Gone for 6 months. I didn't cut myself for 6 months. A record for me. I was so proud of myself. Unfortunately lately I have started again. But I am staying positive because a lapse is different than a relapse. And I know that if I stopped once, I can stop again! I try to have more faith in myself this time around. This is my story to you about how I was able to stop my self harm and depression for a while last summer. I just want you to know that it will eventually stop. I don't know if my experiences will help you or not. But it WILL stop, when the time is right and you are ready. Stay strong my friend Message me if you ever need anything or just want to vent/talk. Everyone at PC is here for you