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Originally Posted by mindmechanic
Did you have a full-on session with your marriage counselor when he was driving or was it a brief phone call? She seems to think that if it's a full-on 45 or 50 minute session, I have to pay for it. But I think that quality to a patient is more important than the quantity or length of the conversation with the therapist. She thinks that she did me a favor by offering her only available time to talk on that day. She said that because it had helped in the past, she offered it again.
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It was probably about a half hour (he has a long commute and was on his way home from the office), but he doesn't charge for outside contact, which is what this was. My current individual T *does* charge for outside contact taking longer than 15 minutes, so I imagine he would have charged for something like this--but I also suspect he wouldn't be willing to talk while he was driving, since he prefers meeting clients in person whenever possible (even if just for an extra half session)--he seems to put lots of emphasis on making sure clients have his undivided attention (part of why he charges for longer e-mails, too), so I think he'd realize it wouldn't be undivided in the car.
Out of curiosity, would she not charge you if it was shorter, like a 20-minute phone call? If so, maybe you could have gone with an option like that then. I agree with you that quality is more important than quantity...
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See, I was torn. On the one hand, I needed to talk to her. On the other hand, I knew that it wasn't going to be good for either one of us. For one, her safety. Secondly, I'm not getting her full, undivided attention. So that's why I do take some responsibility for what happened.
I don't know. A lot of things are happening in our therapeutic relationship. You can read my other thread about a change in her leaving the clinic and our recent talk about money. I texted her to confirm our session today, but she hasn't even responded. She would usually have responded by this hour.
All of this is making me lose faith in therapy. But I guess it isn't surprising. I have had other unprofessional therapists in the past who let their personal feelings get in the way. They say to keep on looking for a therapist who fits you, but they always end up disappointing and doing more harm than good.
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I'm sorry you're having such a difficult experience with this therapist, between this and the changes with her leaving the clinic. Would you consider trying someone different? So far, I've been having a really good experience with my current T, who I started seeing about 4 months ago. (Though of course I worry he's going to disappoint or hurt me because of some past experiences, including with MC...) Maybe try someone else just for a few sessions, see how you feel? My initial intent with current T was to see him for a limited period of time--like a couple months max--to help me deal with some of the MC stuff, then go back to my ex-T. But then I realized how much more helpful this T was being compared to ex-T, so I just decided to stay with him. So I think it's worth a shot--and I'd be up front with someone new, within the first few sessions--about your past experiences with T's, see how they respond.
I now think one of the most important things to look for is strong, clear boundaries. And also that a T is practicing self-care, like has a good work/life balance. Even better if they're in supervision, but I think that's less common here in US for T's in private practice...