I’m trying to consciously relax my jaw. My teeth and jaw hurt when I eat from clenching so hard for so long. I’ve never experienced this before. I really feel like this is the worst anxiety I’ve had since I was 14 and hallucinating a shadow attacker every time I closed my eyes or turned my head. I remember coming home from school and having to go to bed for a couple of hours because my head was pounding every day.

I tried to do a meditation at school today but I really can’t because I don’t have anywhere private to go. I’m going to try to do them at night (no time in the AM - I stay in bed as long as possible).

I’m self medicating with food again. I ****ing hate that I have no self control.

My therapist told me to remember my student teaching and how awful it was and that I survived that. Yes I WILL survive this, of course, just not sure at what cost.