Just a disclaimer this is not meant to be, or sound suicidal. Just my thoughts out loud.
I have a lot of things to talk about and address. Here are some of the things that bother me most. I easily get upset, angry.
I can be triggered by the smallest of things. When I get upset, or angry..my first thought goes to harming myself. When I get angry, I’m livid. I’ll hit things, myself..I guess I just like to feel hurt. Hurting myself perhaps numbs the feelings I have..and I mean, I bits of rage I don’t think about it I just act on how I’m feeling. I think of killing myself often, but they are just thoughts. I think, honestly, if I do ever kill myself it will be in those bits of rage or hurt. Spur of the moment..not even a thought.
I’ve also been noticing for awhile that I talk to myself on my head A LOT. Like am constantly talking to myself, playing out scenarios, having conversations with other(maybe real people in my life, or people I’ve never met, strangers even, anyone) I play both parts. I have conversations in my head with people before they even happen sometimes. This isn’t something that’s horrible. I don’t think it’s out of the ordinary for people to talk to themselves in their head. It’s just been bothering me because it’s all the time. I talk really negatively to myself which I’m sure doesn’t help matters, it’s just my way and I can’t seem to get out of it. All of this is accompanied by other problems that I have..or it could just be those problems taking form. Anxiety, depression.
Thank you for taking your time to read this.
I would be more than happy to hear your thoughts.
|