This is..me

Just a disclaimer this is not meant to be, or sound suicidal. Just my thoughts out loud.
I have a lot of things to talk about and address. Here are some of the things that bother me most. I easily get upset, angry.
I can be triggered by the smallest of things. When I get upset, or angry..my first thought goes to harming myself. When I get angry, I’m livid. I’ll hit things, myself..I guess I just like to feel hurt. Hurting myself perhaps numbs the feelings I have..and I mean, I bits of rage I don’t think about it I just act on how I’m feeling. I think of killing myself often, but they are just thoughts. I think, honestly, if I do ever kill myself it will be in those bits of rage or hurt. Spur of the moment..not even a thought.
I’ve also been noticing for awhile that I talk to myself on my head A LOT. Like am constantly talking to myself, playing out scenarios, having conversations with other(maybe real people in my life, or people I’ve never met, strangers even, anyone) I play both parts. I have conversations in my head with people before they even happen sometimes. This isn’t something that’s horrible. I don’t think it’s out of the ordinary for people to talk to themselves in their head. It’s just been bothering me because it’s all the time. I talk really negatively to myself which I’m sure doesn’t help matters, it’s just my way and I can’t seem to get out of it. All of this is accompanied by other problems that I have..or it could just be those problems taking form. Anxiety, depression.
Thank you for taking your time to read this.
I would be more than happy to hear your thoughts.

Well... I don't know as there are any particular words of wisdom I can offer. But one thing I can tell you is that I also struggle with a lot of anger as well as self-hatred. I've also self-harmed. Plus... I've made 2 major attempts to end my life, both of which resulted in me being hospitalized.

You mentioned you think of killing yourself often, but they're just thoughts. If you ever did kill yourself, it would be in one of your fits of rage or hurt. This is exactly how my two major suicide attempts occurred. There was no warning, no pre-planning... I just got up on each morning they occurred, decided I had had enough, & I was going to do something about it! The next thing I knew, I was in the hospital.

So I guess what I want to suggest to you is that it's really not a good idea to dismiss those suicidal thoughts you have rattling around in your head. You didn't mention if you're receiving any kind of mental health services. But, if not, I would like to encourage you to reach out in real life for help with what is going on with you. My own experience, at least, tells me it's simply not wise to ignore those kinds of thoughts. I wish you well...

I agree... it’s wise not to ignore those thoughts Please keep posting