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Originally Posted by eskielover
Sounds like persuing either of those past friendships wiukdnhave a lot of drama involved & not good to get further involved with. Sounds like friend 1 has already decided not to continue wirh persuing a friendship with yiu for whatever reason by just not responding to you.
I would just hang back & see if either past acquaintance contacts yiu & persues the a friendship farther.
Sometimes I have met up with people from past experiences together....reminicing was all it amounted to because we no longer had much in common & neither continued to stay in contact
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This rings very true to me. Maybe it was meant to be that we crossed each others' paths for this one moment to reconnect, reminisce, pat each other on the back and move on? The more I think about it, the more I want to treat it that way. You're right about Friend 1 choosing not to respond to me, whether or not her boyfriend got upset at her that I didn't call him back, and did whatever, she chose not to contact me again and just stay silent. Thank you for your insight though, it is definitely appreciated!!
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Originally Posted by starrysky
I think you did the right thing by ignoring both men. I think that it is odd that they contacted you in that way. And even though you're only able to speculate their motives right now, if you continue friendships with the women (which it sounds like you want to), you could potentially bring it up to them if that felt right to you, and see what they had to say about it or if they even knew about it.
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Thanks for siding with me on the decision to ignore both men. I think it was really inappropriate, and it felt wrong to contact them. You know, I hate to say this, but this has left my heart flat, and I feel like I don't want to continue friendships with them. But, thanks so much for putting in your two cents. and offering your support!
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Originally Posted by Michigan1966
I think friend #1 has a controlling bf and he’s jealous. He might give her a hard time about her friends. My ex was like that and it was easier to just stay home and disconnected than to fight with him about who’d you go out with, where did you go, did any guys hit on you, etc.,. ☹️ Luckily my friends took me back after I broke up with him.
Friend #2 doesn’t sound like much. Lots of people just like to collect FB friends and maybe he just wants to feel a part of her past since you’ve known her so long.
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Thanks for this Michicgan1966. I am really sorry that you had to deal with such a controlling boyfriend in your past, I think this might end up happening with Friend 1. I really think her boyfriend might be controlling so I am going to just let it go, even as sad about it as I am. I still haven't contacted Friend 2 again, although you make a good point about it probably not being much, because her husband might just want to share memories of her past and reconnecting with me. But all of this, just........
Look when I created this thread, I was a bit confused of what to do. Everyone that chimed in with advice were VERY helpful, and I deeply appreciate it. But tonight, I have such a sinking feeling in my heart, about the fact that Friend 1 has decided not to contact me, and Freind 2's husband is still lurking around Facebook waiting for me to respond to him.
I just have an overwhelming feeling of claustrophobia. Like I feel like I am backed into such a corner when I reconnected with these two friends. I don't want to have anything to do with their partners, I really, truly, don't. I mean this is such an early stage and I feel like I am being pressured, when all I wanted to do was rekindle my freindships.
Friend 2's last message to me on Facebook was to call her, and she left her number for me. I still haven't answered her. In fact, I have been avoiding Facebook. The more I think about this, I have this fear creeping in my head, that when I call her, she will put her husband on the phone to say "hi" or whatever, and I feel real panic bubbling inside of me. I really don't want to fcking talk to him, again because this is feels too early in the reconnection, and honestly I feel like I am being pushed here. It is probably a TOTAL irrational fear, and I am overreacting, but my bipolar mind is spinning and it is turning into frustration and anger.
The whole irony of all this is, I am always being told that I need a bigger social circle of freinds, that it would be good for me, and I know its my choice of whether or not I listen to that advice because it IS my life, but this whole attempt to make friends, or reconnect feels like it is totally blowing up in my face.
I am sad, hurt and confused, and I feel like I don't even want to frickin' try anymore. It felt SO good to talk to those two women again, (even though Friend 2 was just on Facebook messanger), but I feel like their partners have totally turned me off to the whole friendship idea, and as much as I didn't want to abandon these friends because of their partner choices, I am feeling really hurt by the whole thing and I find myself spinning with speculation and its causing me stress.
I feel really bad tonight. Thank God I was able to get the appointment today to see my therapist on Tuesday afternoon.