Quote:
Originally Posted by Lrad123
I might try to uncancel but I’m not quite there yet. I have this whole push/pull dynamic going on and it’s taken on a life of its own. I’m trying to understand it intellectually and usually I am able to make myself go, but I also have an overwhelming urge to prove that I’m not needy. My thought process was that if I could go without seeing him for 2 weeks, then maybe I could do 3 weeks. Seems sort of crazy when I put it in writing. I just feel so much guilt and shame over getting anything from T. So much so, that I need to prove that I don’t really need it.
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I have done exactly this. I went 3 weeks when he was on vacation and then I figured well I was fine for 3 weeks, I can do another one. I did find a reason but I think it was an excuse and it was more about proving that I don't need him. Not sure it it was to make a point because I've never discussed it with him but I think I was trying to prove to myself that I wasn't needy. Turns out I am cause I had hard time that last week. I don't really know why I did that and I'm pretty sure I did that more than once and certainly have thought about it a lot more. Good to know I'm not alone.