AAAAAAAAAAA I LOVE YOU!

I used to have this and it went full bloom with SO-OCD and I thought I was having some kind of gay phase in my life and I was so scared of thinking guys that I started hanging out with girls only. Then it went to everything you could imagine like I was afraid of thinking kids sexually or my sister or my mother and the more I accepted the thoughts the more the OCD found out a new way to make me cringe and to be afraid of my own thoughts. So in the last phase when I was a complete rag and deteriorated with my head with this massive headache 24/7 incapable of doing anything and I had pictures of blowing bodies up in my mind which were shown in a sexual light. It was so absurd that it makes me laugh today. That when you watch your boss on work and your mind forces you to watch this video where his head blows up and you shove your **** in there.

So finally I got so bored of fighting it back I said THAT'S IT WHAT THE HECK DO YOU WANT? And I thought where did it start anyway? Where did these thoughts come from? And I recalled that it was that one time I went to that gay pub with that one guy and ended up completely wasted and kissed with him. Well then I just said to myself OKAY I'M GAY ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? And the thoughts completely seized. Tho like I wasn't gay I just accepted the thought that I might be gay and was fine with it and the whole tree fell over. The thoughts just completely disappeared on the spot. It was kinda silent actually as I was so happy that I was bouncing over the walls.

Always go to the root, over simplify and take a laugh at yourself and most of all face your feelings from the eyes of a child from the 3rd perspective. So today I've noted that I do find some guys really good looking and I've concluded that everyone is a bisexual in the end ( Kinsley scale ) but cause of cultural bias we never face it. Like if 0 is full homosexual and 10 is full heterosexual 95% of people are bi-sexuals in the between. It doesn't mean anything tho in the end. It just your brains find some guys attractive and it's OK and normal cause everyone has it. They just don't talk about it.

I'm not really sexual today as I was as a teen, but I used to have a wank addiction couple of years ago which build up to the point of no control anymore and I was wanking at pretty disgusting stuff which was unreal beyond unreal and I realized my sexuality had twisted into this brothel ride of unreal and unhealthy sexuality stuff. So I'd take a break from that club of yours if I was you. So like it's like karma everything you do in life eventually builds up to the point of no control, so you got to snap out of the negative stuff at day one and notice that this stuff will get out of control some day.

The OCD pops back in with me once in awhile in a different area, but I always use the same trick. Face your emotions from 3rd perspective child eyes, over simplify and laugh about it and learn to live with the chance. It's a chance I might turn into a serial killer any day now. Or not? But I just have to live that chance and you know smile about it with a smile on my face and heart bright about it.

I got tons of other mental stuff on my head right now with the army knocking on door and I'm far from being able to serve or sit bald in a cell for a year. But I always figure my head back in with being honest to my feelings, laughing at them and facing them with this silly like high self-esteem.

Wish you best of luck!