Possible HOCD, feeling depressed

Over the last six weeks, I have had distressful, depressing sexual and gender based anxiety, all stemming from a comment someone made in a chat room based on a sexual kink. I am a straight 26 year old male who has a lot of kinks, such as incest, bondage, rough sex, etc. One of those is a gender changing fetish, and in a chat room on DiscordApp where I was discussing that and reading an erotic caption where a stereotypical straight male was turned into a stereotypical straight female (The more drastic changes do have a bigger erotic element to me, although I also like other variations and this fetish would be interesting to me for awhile and then lose its appeal again), someone made a comment saying the only reason I liked that or was attracted to women at all was because I only envied them and that I am really a straight woman. This comment has caused me constant distress and worry ever since and made me get constant, ruminating thoughts that distress me greatly. I don't want to be a woman for real and I have never been attracted to guys and loved women my entire life, with my first crush being at 8. Ever since reading this though, my libido and attraction to women has gone down, I find myself checking attraction levels to everyone, my sleep has suffered, my appetite has lowered, and I am a nervous wreck, as well as generally unhappy. My failure to get a girlfriend in the past has also added to this doubt. I have never been successful long term in that area, despite having a few crushes that I felt madly infatuated with for awhile. My shy, reserved nature makes it hard to form those connections. I would like nothing more one day than marry a woman, have children, just the typical adult male life many guys have. That comment from awhile back though has me plagued with self-doubt. I don't want to feel this way. That comment turned something I had enjoyed as a harmless fetish for a few years into a nightmare and has caused me to question my entire life. I am tearing up a little as I type this. This whole ordeal has me feeling the worst I have ever in my entire life. This is not the first time intrusive thoughts have tormented me, either. Back in 2014-2015, I got a scare and worried I had colon cancer because of a tiny speck of blood in my stools, and them being thin and small, and in 2014, I worried I had HIV for months because I hooked up with a girl who was known to be promiscuous and got a fever the night later. I spent six months ruminating on that and felt incredibly sick and depressed at times, which was all mental, as the stress was punishing my body. Prior to this recent occurrence, I was feeling the best I had been in years, looking the best, and had began to develop a little more confidence with talking to and approaching women. This ordeal has destroyed all the progress I had made and put me in a worse spot now than I have ever been. I would give anything to feel like I did before this began. I felt my best, now I feel my worst.

I know it can be hard when you have multiple Ocd themes.

AAAAAAAAAAA I LOVE YOU!

I used to have this and it went full bloom with SO-OCD and I thought I was having some kind of gay phase in my life and I was so scared of thinking guys that I started hanging out with girls only. Then it went to everything you could imagine like I was afraid of thinking kids sexually or my sister or my mother and the more I accepted the thoughts the more the OCD found out a new way to make me cringe and to be afraid of my own thoughts. So in the last phase when I was a complete rag and deteriorated with my head with this massive headache 24/7 incapable of doing anything and I had pictures of blowing bodies up in my mind which were shown in a sexual light. It was so absurd that it makes me laugh today. That when you watch your boss on work and your mind forces you to watch this video where his head blows up and you shove your **** in there.

So finally I got so bored of fighting it back I said THAT'S IT WHAT THE HECK DO YOU WANT? And I thought where did it start anyway? Where did these thoughts come from? And I recalled that it was that one time I went to that gay pub with that one guy and ended up completely wasted and kissed with him. Well then I just said to myself OKAY I'M GAY ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? And the thoughts completely seized. Tho like I wasn't gay I just accepted the thought that I might be gay and was fine with it and the whole tree fell over. The thoughts just completely disappeared on the spot. It was kinda silent actually as I was so happy that I was bouncing over the walls.

Always go to the root, over simplify and take a laugh at yourself and most of all face your feelings from the eyes of a child from the 3rd perspective. So today I've noted that I do find some guys really good looking and I've concluded that everyone is a bisexual in the end ( Kinsley scale ) but cause of cultural bias we never face it. Like if 0 is full homosexual and 10 is full heterosexual 95% of people are bi-sexuals in the between. It doesn't mean anything tho in the end. It just your brains find some guys attractive and it's OK and normal cause everyone has it. They just don't talk about it.

I'm not really sexual today as I was as a teen, but I used to have a wank addiction couple of years ago which build up to the point of no control anymore and I was wanking at pretty disgusting stuff which was unreal beyond unreal and I realized my sexuality had twisted into this brothel ride of unreal and unhealthy sexuality stuff. So I'd take a break from that club of yours if I was you. So like it's like karma everything you do in life eventually builds up to the point of no control, so you got to snap out of the negative stuff at day one and notice that this stuff will get out of control some day.

The OCD pops back in with me once in awhile in a different area, but I always use the same trick. Face your emotions from 3rd perspective child eyes, over simplify and laugh about it and learn to live with the chance. It's a chance I might turn into a serial killer any day now. Or not? But I just have to live that chance and you know smile about it with a smile on my face and heart bright about it.

I got tons of other mental stuff on my head right now with the army knocking on door and I'm far from being able to serve or sit bald in a cell for a year. But I always figure my head back in with being honest to my feelings, laughing at them and facing them with this silly like high self-esteem.

Wish you best of luck!

Man. It feels so good to help other people here! Really clear up my mind! Actually I help myself more than I help you. But don't worry. Keep always the clear blue sky mind in your mind and keep it focused when the suicidal or anxious thoughts come. Like remember that time when you were really happy last time and that state of mind you had? Keep that in mind. It's just behind the corner!