Trigger Warning: Suicidal Thoughts
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Forgive me if this is the wrong place but I'm not entirely sure where else this would fit. For the past 4-5 years, I've been feeling like crap. I feel sad and lonely yet I get anxious around people and come off as standoffish, annoying and weird because I'm stuck at home 24/7 with no way to get around so I'm not used to being around people much and have grown extremely self-conscious (I'm also too ashamed to go to the doctor because I don't want them to see me and judge me). I can't even attempting to date because I don't want people to see pictures of me or meet me in person because I'm ashamed of how I look (I'm overweight). My self-esteem is so bad that I'm even afraid to get a job! I'm a full time student currently and I'm afraid of getting a job because I feel like I'm a failure and will just end up fired. I'm so ashamed of myself and afraid of doing anything with my life that my mind is often filled with suicidal thoughts. I just feel so stuck and unhappy. I don't know how to fix all these self-image issues that are preventing me from living my life and, being that I don't work, I can't afford to go see a professional about it. Has anybody been in this situation before? If so, how did you overcome it?