When I first read the thread title my initial response to that question was "break up".

After reading and getting more context though, it's much more complicated and I can relate a lot to you. I too have a hard time connecting with people and letting anyone close and men have been... not so great to me in the past. I worry a lot about having this same issue of finding a guy who is amazing, but insists on having kids while I don't want them. Before getting involved with anyone I always try to make sure we match on key things like this, but as you've found out people can change their minds so that's not always fool proof.

I read most of the posts here but not in depth all of them, so I apologize if I'm repeating something already suggested, but is there a way you can spend an extended period of time with someone's kid? Try out multiple ages, from baby to up to 10 yrs I'd say. Over Christmas last year my niece was spending the day with my parents and I happened to get there very early. My niece is very sweet, but she's got sooooo much energy (as most kids do). Because I don't see her a lot she kept trying to get me to play and I couldn't really get away from her. I finally got a break when her mom got there after a few hours and took over and I was so emotionally drained, which added to the physical exhaustion. I never snapped at her or anything, but I know that if I had to endure much longer I probably would have. I was 99% sure I didn't want kids before that, but that made it 100% for me.

I am a bit more flexible though on my stance. I know what I don't like in a kid, and that's the early stages where they are nothing but energy and entirely dependent on their parents. I would be willing to adopt an older child and preferably one that is known to be calmer, and that's my middle ground if I found a great guy who insisted on having kids. I love the idea of being able to take an older child, while most people only want babies, and giving them an actual home of their own. I wonder if that's something your guy would consider too?