Who held the kitty up to the wall to catch the bug?

Eta - oh god i hope that was velcro!

Wow, that sounds like a very difficult session. It's good you were able to be open with your T about what was going on in your head when she said some of those things.

To answer your question, when I hit that point (both with ex-T in general and in her not helping me work through the ex-MC thing), I started looking around at other T's. I had the intention that I'd just go see a new one for a sort of "consultation," like a second opinion, for just a few sessions or maybe a couple months, then go back to ex-T. However, I ended up finding now-current-T's different perspective to be really helpful. I'd been with ex-T for 6 years (and ex-MC for around 4...) and think I just needed fresh eyes and a different style. So I just stayed with him. Has it all been smooth sailing? No (see: my updates from a few weeks ago with the whole transitional object debacle, though we seem to have come back from that). But I feel I'm learning and growing much more with him, at least as compared with, say, the last 3 years of seeing ex-T.

Would you be open to trying a different T, even just for a brief period? Maybe one who uses a different modality, say? I forget how long you've been seeing your current T.

Velcro

I hit that point with my t last August

at that time I was leaving every session feeling worse. I told t that and I told him I regret meeting him and that it seems like too much of a risk to go have sessions with him because of how I would be after

I started using hard drugs again as a way to cope I guess and disconnect from t. it worked and I told him I won't be back for a while

we didn't meet for a month. we exchanged a couple emails about where to go from here. t said he has been hearing from me that our sessions are not helpful. he said he would refer me to someone else if that's what we felt I needed

t asked about goals like ur t did. I wrote t my list of goals and why I think therapy is beneficial. and I wrote why I think it's not at times

I came back to see t and was high. I told t about the drugs and everything. t said he felt very sad and that he cares about me too much to watch me do this. I left and didn't go back for a month or so

so I guess I did take a break. but I'm not sure that's what helped bc I was high during most of it. wasting tons of money on drugs to stay high and not care (which I'm still paying the price for that today)

I think I read you've been with your t for a long time too. it sucks to think maybe it's not helpful anymore and maybe even has turned harmful

I get what u mean though about the sessions being like an oasis. your ts comment about all your eggs in one basket is exactly what my t said too

t tries to get me to make other baskets with other people. it's hard and not easy but I've managed one more lol

I don't really have advice or anything just wanted to share that yes I've been stuck in therapy. it was a rough and painful time for me. I hope u can hang on during this. something I always try to tell myself is that it won't be this way forever. things constantly change. you've been very supportive to me on here and I'm thankful for that and I hope you know you a worthy kind compassionate person