I have no one to describe my suicidal feelings that will understand and not freak out. I can talk to my T some but have to be careful or she will throw me in the hospital. A lot of the feelings I am having I have a hard time explaining anyways. I to my T today things were 50/50 between living or dying. She says she is very worried on wants me inpatient or at the very least IOP. There are just too many negatives to that right now that I can’t.