Quote:
Originally Posted by Xynesthesia
What I would think about, before making such a request is how it may turn out if the T is willing to engage at first but won't be able/willing to sustain it? Won't withdrawing the extra attention later be even more difficult than not starting/adding more? Because that is what seems to happen most often, based on posts on this forum. It's one thing that a client craves more attention and it makes sense to do so, but what can be provided within the structure of therapy is another. I agree with those suggesting that therapy can be highly addictive, especially for those who have cravings to start with. It's really a lot like how people start to use mind-altering substances - it feels good in the moment and we don't think about the negative consequences for a while, often until it's become extremely difficult to moderate. Then the cravings will just become more unbearable when the "drug" is withdrawn, or loses its efficacy and we just want more and more.
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Very good point.
It is very possible that if the agreement to change the boundary is made, the therapist may change their mind later if they see that it's not working for them. From many stories I read here it seems to be not an uncommon occurrence. And, if that happens, the withdrawal of attention may trigger some old pain and worsen whatever traumatic symptoms you may have now. In such cases the reactions often become intense and, sometimes, uncontrollable, which, in turn, makes the therapist to withdraw even more, which, in turn, will cause you more pain and the vicious cycle continues until it becomes so unbearable that either you get "terminated" by the therapist or you quit on your own.
I am not saying this will happen, but this is a very real scenario you need to be aware of. Right now you may feel like additional brief contact with the therapist will be enough because you just want to know that he is there. But your needs might change later. We can never be certain how we will feel tomorrow.
I do want you to know though that if the above described scenario happens, it won't be your "fault" and I wouldn't necessarily look at the increased need for connection as an "addiction".
Addictions in general develop to fulfill the needs that are inherently healthy. The problem with addictions is just that people substitute the substance that they truly need like genuine human connections, emotional nurturing, the sense of fulfilling one's life purpose and such with the substance they don't really need but consume anyway because it's the only thing available to them like alcohol, food, drugs etc.
In your case, you want exactly what your human nature needs to be healthy - relationships with other human beings where you feel accepted for who you are. You want to fulfill that need in your relationship with your therapist. While I don't really believe that the need will be fulfilled to your satisfaction, there is nothing pathological in having the need because you are going for the right "substance". So, while the craving is strong, I would be reluctant to call it addiction. I feel that there is too much pathologizing happening not only in the field of mental health but in the society in general. Therefore, language matters and definitions matter.