Yes, you're not alone in those feelings. I feel a sense of shame almost continually. It's at the core of being stemming back as far as I can go. But through therapy and couseling, I do know why. For me, it has a lot to do with negativities through my childhhood, so the psychologists say, and I believe them.

Stay strong within your spirit cryingontheinside. Cling to life and keep reaching out please. Things can always improve. I understand what you're saying in the rest of your post as well, it's not weird. Monster hugs going out to you.