I just want it all to end

I've been looking for ways to end my life to night . I couldn't think of anything that would work . Im going to go to bed soon but I just wish I didn't have to wake up .

Does anyone else feel really ashamed of themselves without really knowing why ? That's how I feel. It's strange because I don't feel really sad or tearful . I feel other emotions which are unpleasant but not unbearable yet I really just want to end my life . Nobody would know I feel like this because it doesn't show. If someone came round to visit me I could probably laugh and smile and make jokes with them . Yet as soon as they left if I saw an opportunity to end my life I would take it . I guess it's hard to explain and depression is not straight forward and isn't always only about feeling sad . This is a weird post I know . But it's how I am feeling .

I can’t imagine anyone reading this and not responding. I hear depths of despair — but you’re sharing with us perhaps hoping someone can help.

I have felt like giving up in the past, but I never have and so glad I am able to say that. I always think of how sad it would be to end your life not knowing something really sweet was just waiting around the corner.

When I was younger, I had lost both my parrnts by ghe time I was 20 and I searched for fulfillment through sexual encounters. I needed lots of alcohol to behave that way. I never did find anyone through sex but I did find AA and sobriety, God, support, friends, honesty helped me to move forward in my life no matter how sad things got or how difficult life was. I had crappy jobs, crappy experiences and lots of loneliness on the road....but they led me to a great career, a long marriage, a home & family I never dreamed I could have and children who grew up and wound up becoming my best friends!!!!!

If I had given up any step along the way I would have missed out on the blessings just beyond my sight at the time. I am pretty old now, and I hope you realize that the pain I speak of was as a teen and in my 20s but guess what—we’re the same no matter our ages. And I am actually a grandma now! Who would have EVER imagined???? Certainly not me. I used to want to die! But I lived and had faith in the future God had for me and my life turned out pretty good.

It’s still not easy. I still fight depression. I have horrible days at times. I suffer losses. I hurt. But I hang on. Whenever someone takes his/her life I always think how terribly sad it was that they left their friends and families to deal with the loss and I think of how loved the person was but probably didn’t realize it.

Please don’t die. Please. You can call this nunber any time day or night and someone will listen to you and help you. You can call every day or several times a day. You can call 911 and someone will help you to stay alive too. You can call a friend, any friend, and tell them what you’re going through. If you take your own life it is because something isn’t working properly in your brain — and it can be fixed if you give someone a chance. Go to an ER and tell them you need help. Fight this. All you have to do is tell someone & let them help you. Please. I beg you. It hurts like hell now but I promise it can get better if you reach out.

tel:1-800-273-8255

Yes, you're not alone in those feelings. I feel a sense of shame almost continually. It's at the core of being stemming back as far as I can go. But through therapy and couseling, I do know why. For me, it has a lot to do with negativities through my childhhood, so the psychologists say, and I believe them.

Stay strong within your spirit cryingontheinside. Cling to life and keep reaching out please. Things can always improve. I understand what you're saying in the rest of your post as well, it's not weird. Monster hugs going out to you.

I feel ashamed of myself, but I have reasons I guess (or so I think, but logical people would tell you otherwise). I do know what it's like to feel like if someone handed you a gun that you wouldn't hesitate to pull the trigger, and my two attempts without were both stupidly planned so didn't work. I'm not sure what to say to comfort you as I'm not sure what would have made me feel better in that state of mind... Just know you're not alone in feeling this way.

Shame is the most accurate word in my title. I'm a walking, talking embodiment of shame. I don't mean to be but it radiates inside of and around me.

I don't know if it gets better. I believe it always can. A good motivator is trying to make someone proud, someone who may look up to us, someone who's waiting for us to come back from all of this pain. You know the someone I'm referring to for you. You got this, my friend. I'm cheering for you from across the pond, I'll try to shout a little louder for you to hear me.

please take care.

I know you want to end it- I know you do

but is their anything else you can do to distract yourself

looking up ways to end your life is just going to make it worse

((((hugs)))))

I think the best way I can describe my shame is,

why havon't I done more?

I'm at an age where I should have done more

their are people half my age who have done more things with their lives.. and I know a lot of it has to do with the abuse, and the fact I didn't get much of a chance, is it really an excuse?

I'm not even living in the same house anymore- I should be making up for the time I lost, not sitting down feeling defeated

Yes, I do feel ashamed. You're definitely not alone.

I feel suicidal as well, although it's not bad enough yet to the point where I'm about to do it. For the past several years I just wait for something bad enough to happen to me to give me enough reason to end it. So far no luck. I mean, it's actually happens a zillion times, probably from bipolar cycles, but it doesn't last long enough for me to end it. It's complicated for my situation. I hope you're feeling better today.

Thank you all of you that posted here. All of you posted such thoughtful replys and some of you are struggling really badly too . I want to reply to all of you individually but I'm not in the headspace where I can concentrate long enough to focus. I'm not sure how I'm feeling today , I'm avoiding my thoughts at the moment , trying to distract myself by watching TV. I'm sure I will get a desire to end it all again because nothing has changed in my life since yesterday , but I will deffinately listen to what all of you have said and I will try to fight against it . I'm also very sorry to all those of you out there that are not feeling good too and those that are also having suicidal thoughts. Nobody deserves to feel like that . Sending love and hugs to all of you and to anyone out there who is just suffering in silence

I've gone to bed some nights just praying God would take me in my sleep. I understand that part even though I don't really feel shame. It usually passes after a while. I hope your depression passes soon. Hugs from teddy bear

Much love to you, crying.

It's awful, that shameful feeling. And so hard to explain. Hope you're able to give yourself a break from it today.

yes, yes you will.

tell those feelings to leave you alone and just... leave everyone else alone too

tell them to turn in to pink bunny rabbits walking through a forest

or something

lol

Those thoughts are back again. I slept all day and felt so horrible when I woke up so I'm just going to go back to sleep even though I'm not tired . Don't know what else to do .