I have been stable for quite some time. But, my bipolar is quite severe. The thing is, now that I am stable, I have trouble imagining being sick. For instance, it is impossible to imagine that I ever wanted, and especially that I could ever want again, to commit suicide. More than that, I can’t imagine all of the delusions that I have had in the past. How could I have actually been scared because someone could read my mind for instance? How was that possible? And, I keep telling myself that it just doesn’t make sense, that it will never happen again, that it can’t ever happen again. And, I am going back to school to become a special needs teacher. I am currently an instructional assistant for a special needs teacher. However, when I was at my sickest, there was no way I could have worked. At my sickest, I lost a job from my paranoid, spastic behavior that presented in my illness. Am I doing too much? Expecting too much? What if I spend all of this time and money getting my masters degree and teaching is too stressful? What if I get sick again and am caught off guard? Medication is a daily reminder of my illness but I question again if I actually need it. I’ll never stop taking it though. How do you manage not to become disillusioned when you are so far removed from your symptoms? What should I do? Has anyone else ever been here?