Stable=disbelief?

I have been stable for quite some time. But, my bipolar is quite severe. The thing is, now that I am stable, I have trouble imagining being sick. For instance, it is impossible to imagine that I ever wanted, and especially that I could ever want again, to commit suicide. More than that, I can’t imagine all of the delusions that I have had in the past. How could I have actually been scared because someone could read my mind for instance? How was that possible? And, I keep telling myself that it just doesn’t make sense, that it will never happen again, that it can’t ever happen again. And, I am going back to school to become a special needs teacher. I am currently an instructional assistant for a special needs teacher. However, when I was at my sickest, there was no way I could have worked. At my sickest, I lost a job from my paranoid, spastic behavior that presented in my illness. Am I doing too much? Expecting too much? What if I spend all of this time and money getting my masters degree and teaching is too stressful? What if I get sick again and am caught off guard? Medication is a daily reminder of my illness but I question again if I actually need it. I’ll never stop taking it though. How do you manage not to become disillusioned when you are so far removed from your symptoms? What should I do? Has anyone else ever been here?

you are going into a very stressful career choice.
I am concerned for you.
You could be really lucky to have found the right meds for your stability.
Am happy for you for this.
you may be able to lead a normal life. I am a big proponent of meds so I would suggest that you stay on them.
I am bipolar 1, have not been suicidal ever, sad, yes depressed like now.
I can't remember psychosis any more just flicks of the past.
I am self employed, could not even think about it otherwise. Having a real boss is out of the question for me.
I wish you much luck in the months to come. congratulations on your stability!
bizi

I know what you mean...I'm in a similar situation where I can hardly believe that I really have bipolar 1. It's been 5 years since I had a full-blown manic episode, and it's been almost 4 since I was hospitalized for SI. No extreme mood episodes at all, just mild depression and (more often) hypomania in between long periods of stability. It does make me question my diagnosis and wonder if I really need to be on so many medications. But that too is a sign of trouble, so we both ought to work on being more down to earth.