I want to thank everyone for the kind words, you have no idea how much joy it brought me to be treated with kindness, it's so rare... I'm seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist but to be honest I see no progress. It's not their fault, it's the circumstances, how can I feel any better when my circumstances don't change? I need a job, a stable source of income, a place where my disability is accepted, unfortunately it's very hard to find that type of job. I can't even imagine how hard it must be to those who have very visible disabilities. I also desperately long for a friendship, even more than a romantic relationship. I've always been kind of a loner, even before I was disabled. I used to spend my time reading and daydreaming, I was never that excited about real life because it always lacked magic when compared to the life I knew from my books. I guess I grew up with unreal expectations of what life would be like. Sometimes I think it's my fault, that maybe I want too much out of life but is wanting love too much when you've been mistreated by your own family all your life? If just one person looked at me with love I would be the happiest person on this earth, my disability, the constant physical pain, my family, it would all become so meaningless if I had true love in my life.