I had a hard day. Very hard. Maybe good in the long run? I'm not sure. H tries to understand MI but just doesn't get it how if I am having a long panic attack but if I had to act instantly to save my daughter's life, I could do that, but yet I can't usually do normal things well or at all during a long panic attack. Or if BP is bad & you're depressed, you can do basic chores & self- care (maybe) but not hold down a job.

Not to mention when things are hard or I cannot stop severe anxiety, I often dissociate? Is that the word? Where you feel like you are watching your life like a movie?

Neither of us expected to be talking about my MI today. I feel guilty. I wasted a lot of H’s time and he had papers to grade and lessons to plan, and then we end up discussing money and my MI and if I take advantage of him because of it. I don’t in the sense it never leaves, but he has trouble understanding how one person may have BP and be a complete mess, have to leave a teaching job only two days in and nearly need IP (such as me), but another person can have BP, hold down a job, to all appearances be normal. I don’t know just how you explain that to someone who doesn’t have MI.

Heavy stuff.

It's just hard.