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Originally Posted by Blue_Bird
I'm swirling between wanting to be healthy and wanting to restrict. I need to lose the weight I've gained from the bingeing/purging, can't stand it.
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I struggle too. I want to gain and stop at X number where I am still thin but not so bony. I want to be able to contain the weight gain to the last ounce, or I fear I will immediately become morbidly obese, despite never being obese in my life. I maybe needed to lose 5 lb. in high school and was uncomfortable with my looks, but I wasn’t even considered chubby, much less fat or obese. Though serious obesity runs on my mom’s side of the family. One of my two sisters is obese too, and I don’t want to end up like that.
But now there are clothes I don’t wear any more just to not freak people out. Bones, you know.
Did I do good today? No. I ran and ran and ran, maybe the farther pest I have ever run (though I have run/walked that distance before). Seeing a T tomorrow. Hope maybe she can help.
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Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD
Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine,
There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in.
--Leonard Cohen
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