Hi all,

Checking in again, as I've just cut again yesterday. I do want to say that it's different now than how it was before, I don't feel as bad and I don't cut as much or as often as I used to, so I guess that brings some hope and progress.

For one, there's some fear. After not cutting for so long, it felt more scary to bring the blade to my skin again, though I guess I've gotten over that a bit. Also there's fear of infection now, that I had never even considered when I was younger.

Going so long has helped to control the urges better. I still get sad and emotional maybe about once a month, but it's not tied to self injury anymore. I can be sad without having to hurt myself. When I do cut, it's a conscious choice. I really ask myself, do I want to do this? Sometimes I answer yes, but not as often and it's months in between.

Even feeling depressed feels different now than it did when I was younger. I feel more okay now. I'm not sure how to explain it exactly, it's like I feel that I'll always be okay. Even when I don't feel okay at the moment, I'll still be okay then.