Feeling pretty good today, for a change.

I know this is gross, but I had been struggling with some stress and hadn't taken a shower in a few days until today. Now I feel a lot better.

I'm still struggling with constipation. Normally, miralax gives me bad, bad diarrhea, but I haven't had any. I've got a blockage for sure, as I can feel it stuck in the same spot again.

I wish I could see a GI doctor right now because it's urgent, but I have to wait 2 months. Ugh. The idea of going to the ER to see a GI doctor soon is becoming more and more appealing because I'm afraid that I'm damaging my insides, or that they're already damaged and getting worse. I might ask my GP if she can order some kind of x-ray or CT scan and interpret it herself, but I doubt she can help. I guess it's worth a shot, though.

I seriously think I need to go off Lexapro, as I think it's part of the culprit (besides the possible narrowed colon), but I always have terrible withdrawal from that stuff. Crying spells, severe depression, suicidal thoughts, heightened anxiety, brain zaps, confusion, balance/coordination issues, etc.. It's no fun and I've literally tried it 5 times (2 under the guidance of my pdoc and 3 on my own) and failed every time. Oh, and I know that Rexulti is exacerbating the condition as well, and every AP has done this to me, but if I go AP-free, then I get persistent psychosis regardless if I'm in an episode or not.