I had one of those days at work, where everything shifted 180 in my thoughts. Yesterday, I was great, and everything and everyone was great.

Today, I felt different. Certain people were against me, and I think I know the trigger was due to a some various little events that I won't go in to. This is not the first time I've been on this pendulum. The swing of being okay, to feeling the total opposite and mentally consumed with "people" in a negative way, is draining. All while I have to keep my "A-Game" on and perform top notch.

I work with a lot of people, and I work in healthcare, in a high stress area.

This will pass, and all will be fine, and they will all be awesome again and fun to be around... I wish my mind wouldn't create bad stories that lead me to paranoia. I really don't care that much what people think, but yet, I do! Frustrating dichotomy.

My pdoc knows about this cycle, and he's told me he could give me a low dose zyprexa or geodon. (I've been on abilify and it caused a muscle problem for me so I stopped that after a month) I'm only on Lamictal, and I really don't want to start something new. I don't want a pill to make this stop, I want to control these thoughts on my own. It is HARD!