I did end up exchanging some emails with my T regarding the not thinking about me after session ended. His explanation really helped. Here’s his response (I did get charged for 15 minutes of time for this one, but I’d preapproved it).

“I had a feeling after I said that, that it would cause you some angst and I'm sorry forthat. The point I was trying to make at the time wasn't related to the concerns that you're expressing, although I will address them in a moment. I was trying to convey how, in general, people's negative behavior isn't personal or even malicious in nature. It has a lot more to do with thoughtlessness and/or being wrapped in their own universe and not even thinking about the fact that other people exist. Much of the time people (me included) are on auto-pilot, not devoting much mental energy at all to the decisions that they're making - or to the people around them.

In terms of what I said, I remember saying "I'm not likely to think about you again for the rest of the day." You'll notice in the email you wrote to me that you're extrapolating from that comment that 1) that means I don't care; and 2) that means I never think about my clients - or you - at all. Neither of those things are true, and I didn't say either of those things. Everyone that I work with is important and deserves careful consideration and thought in terms of what is best-practice for helping them. You likely remember that I took the time of several of my colleagues to take your concerns about the stone seriously, by talking to them about your feelings and how I was handling the situation. Of course, some clients need more thought than others depending on what's going on. I'm likely to wonder how you will respond to this email after I send it, for example.

I realize that my comment felt like an abandonment - and I can see how it could feel that way. The context of when it was said, and the point I was trying to illustrate, is important to the point I was trying to make. I'll make an effort to be more careful in the future, although after working with me for over a year I think it's pretty obvious that my therapeutic style tends to be more direct. Sometimes that results in pushing too hard in a place that's too sensitive for that pressure, and I'm glad you were able to talk/email about it.

I think it's very important to consider the full body of evidence when you're wrestling with fears about whether or not I care. For example, here I am taking time to consider your feelings, and write back to you with the hope and intention of allaying your fears. This isn't the first time I've done this, and you'd also hopefully remember that there is a reason you have felt trust in our work up to now - we have worked to build that up. We have come through quite a few tough situations, and as I result our working relationship has been - in my opinion - quite good.

I look forward to seeing you soon to talk about this further, and if you'd like, feel welcome to let me know if there is more you need in the interim.
“