I had a psychologist (therapist) of over 5 years that ended her practice a while back. One issue I discussed with her was how dependent I've become on my husband over the last 8 years. Or really, our whole 23 years together. That bothered me because I not only felt a bit "childish" in a certain respect (definitely not all), but also started worrying how I'd manage if I ever lost him. I know that's catastrophizing, but he's turning 60 soon. I'm in my mid 40s. I certainly hope he lives a long time, but what if I do outlive him? My mother died at 61, just one year older than my hubby is.

The psychologist I mentioned took this issue seriously and really pushed me to ask my husband to get me up to date on our financial situation, bill paying, and other crucial tasks and info. I did approach him, actually a few times, but he blew me off, or gave me such limited information thinking that was enough. It really wasn't. Frustrated, I dropped the effort. Really, if anything were to happen to him I'd probably lose it. At this point, I'd probably need my older sister to help me. I even talked to my older brother a bit about this possibility. He said he'd be sure I was OK, too.

Are you fully independent? Or if you are dependent on someone for some or many things, how ready would you be to take over everything?

During my early years with my husband, I had a good career developing. I had been working full-time for quite a while. Heck, I had had at least a summer job since I was 15 years old. I'll admit that before my hubby, I always kept life as simple as possible. After marriage, things seemed to become more complex. My husband took control of the finances without even asking me. I just let him do it. The only bill I really paid was my personal AMEX card bill. Maybe once or twice I was late, and he labeled me "delinquent" and took it over. I was like "Whatever!" But I did work full-time, often 60 hours per week. I even made more money than him. I cooked dinner every night, but the rest of the chores/errands we did together.

After I became very sick, I could do less and less. I was on disability during and after hospitalizations again and again. I tried to work part-time in between, only once managing full-time again. We switched to his health insurance for security. Then I became fully disabled eight years ago, and have not worked since. At times he did almost everything but minor tidying and perhaps cooking. He even took care of our parrot much of the time.

I do most of the chores and errands nowadays, and still do all of the cooking, but that's all I manage besides raising our new parrot. I've tried to volunteer over the years and failed, except some stints as a group leader on a forum (not this one). I sometimes managed an adult school or college course, but that ended. I was writing daily in my blog. That's petered off. I've got to try to do more, but be very careful to regulate my stress levels. Too much stress, I become manic or mixed manic and then crash and burn.